Thursday, April 1, 2010

Letter from Cuba

This "joke email" is making the rounds in Brazil. I translated it and posted it. It would be funnier if it wasn't so realistic. At least some here get the irony..

All the family in Cuba was surprised when a coffin arrived from Miami with the corpse of a beloved aunt. The body was so tight in the coffin that her face was pasted on the crystal display ... When they opened the coffin they found a letter stuck to the clothes with a pin, which read:

'Dear Mom and Dad:

I am sending you the remains of Aunt Josefa to do her burial in Cuba, as she wanted. Sorry for not being able to accompany her, but you will understand that I had spend so much on all the things, and take advantage of the circumstances.

You will find inside the coffin, under the body, the following:

9 cans of Bumble Bee tuna,
10 8oz bottles of shampoo and conditioner Paul Mitchell
12 jars of Vaseline Intensive Care (very good for the skin. It is not for cooking!)
12 tubes of Crest toothpaste,
12 toothbrushes,
10 cans of good SPAM (they are from Spain)
4 cans of sausage El Miño.

Share with the family, no fights!

On her feet are a pair of new Reebok shoes size 39 for Joseíto (it's for him, remember when Uncle Pupo died he didn’t receive anything and cried for weeks).

Under the head there are 4 pairs of new socks for c Antony’s children of, they are of different colors (please, I repeat, no fighting!). She is wearing 15 sweaters Ralph Lauren, one is for Robby and the other for the children and grandchildren.

She also uses a dozen Wonder Bra’s (my favorite), divide among women;

Also there 20 Revlon nail polish removers that are in the corners of the coffin. The three dozen panties Victoria's Secret should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.

Our dear aunt is also dressed with nine Docker's pants and 3 pair’s of Levi jeans. Dad, stay with one of each and the others are for boys. The Swiss watch Dad asked me for is on the left wrist. She is also using the jewelry mom asked (bracelets, rings, etc.).

The collar she is using is for cousin Rebecca, and also the rings that she has on her feet. The eight pairs of Chanel stockings that she wears are to be shared between the neighbors and friends, or if you want, sell it (please do not fight for these things, do not fight).

The dentures put in auntie's mouth are for Grandpa, who even though does not have much to chew, with these it will be easier (they were very expensive).

The bifocals are for Alfredito because they are the same prescription he uses, and also the hat on her head. The hearing aids she has the ears are for Carola. They are not exactly what she needs, but use them anyway because they are expensive.

Auntie's eyes are not her own, they are made of glass. Take them out and you will find the gold chain for Gustavo and a diamond ring for Katiuska’s wedding.

The platinum wig, with golden reflections, which she is wearing is also for Katiuska, which will shine, beautifully on her wedding day.

With love, your daughter


PS1: Please, make an outfit to wear her aunt's funeral and hold a Mass for the repose of her soul, because she really helped even after her death. As you noticed the coffin is made of good wood (resists termites) you can take it apart and fix the feet of Mama's bed and other home repairs.

The glass coffin serves to frame abuelita’s photograph that years ago needed replacing. With the lining of the coffin, which is white satin (U.S. $ 20.99 a meter) Katiuska can make her wedding dress.

In the joy of these gifts, do not forget to dress to her for funeral!

With love,

Carmencita ..

PS2: With the death of Aunt Josepha, Aunt Blanca fell ill. Make requests in moderation. A bicycle will not fit or neither will 1968 Lada carburetor, nobody’s even heard of that here.

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